I wish to document more often. I need to make an effort to make it happen at least once a week. Perhaps I will dedicate a time slot for this. I think about dumping all the thoughts that rattle in my brain. Writing it down also gives me a bizarre release.

My last session was horrible. I felt weak. I gassed out quickly and I felt I took 5 steps back. I was discouraged especially since a competition is looming and I don’t think my physique is even close compared to my last competition. It wasn’t the end of practice when I spoke to one of our blackbelts. He said you look tired. I nodded. He said I see you trying new things, how’s it working for you? I responded that I sucked at it. Although it seems clear in my head, actually doing it in application is a whole different story. And he said “That’s why…” That’s why I suck? That’s why I’m tired? Because I can’t apply principle and proper form? I just agreed and brushed it off, but as I thought more and more, it made a lot of sense. Because I can’t do the technique properly, my body is trying to compensate with strength which tires me out. Then when I fail the technique and get into a worse position, I have to fight more to recover which tires me out again. My failures are tiring me out. Wait. I’ll rephrase. My “attempts” are tiring me out. Once I’m proficient at the technique, it becomes effortless. And that’s the goal. Chaining these techniques together until the entire sequence seem effortless.

This is why it takes so long to progress in BJJ. Sure, there are naturals that can perform a technique. But it’s doing it against a resisting opponent. So many different variables come into play and you adjust accordingly. I’ve realized I’m still drilling and trying to perfect a bottom half guard sweep for the past 2 months and I still only pull it off 1 out of 20 rolls. Different people change the perspective. The strategy is different when attempting it since everyone reacts slightly differently. Not only do I need to perfect the technique so I perform it without thought. I have to practice it over and over so build that muscle memory. And Then, I have to execute it when the opportunity arises and not try to force it. Become a toolbox and not just a hammer.

So it’s been 2 months of me working this one sweep. Who knows how many more months or years it would take for me to master it. (I hate using the word “master” because it can truly take a lifetime to master anything.) But I’ll keep at it. Being able to pull it off during a roll is a rush for me. And my goal is to then apply it in competition. So I’m totally not concerned about the destination on this long road. In fact, I’m taking in all the scenery and hope this road goes on forever!